You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Ha, couldn't let that Dumb and Dumber quote go untouched!

I wanted to express my anger and frustration to all those little sounds in my life that annoy the hell outta me! I wanna hear if anyone else has some weird sounds that they just can't stand... like this......

-A bug hitting the window trying to get out

Everytime I hear that, either inside my house or in my car I go crazy. I just want to squash the little bugger but since I hate the feel of them I usually leave the room, or if I'm in my car, stop the car, roll down my window and pray that it leaves. Usually it doesn't so then I rush in and save the day by shoo'n it with anything I can grab in my car, which is usually my ice scraper.

-Fingernails scratching on velcro or jeans

OH LORDY! This is a rare one, but oh my it has to be the worst one! My friends don't understand it, neither can I, but i'd rather have 100 bumblebees trying to get out of my car windows then hear that damn fingernail scratching!

-Putting on headphones and having one side work

This one is actually so bad that my body cramps up! SERIOUSLY! If the right ear isn't working my left side of my waist literally cramps up and I'm forced to lean into it causing me to rip the headphones off. I can actually have my right side do the same if I switch the headphones on. Does this happen with anyone else? It doesn't hurt, but it's the feeling you get when someone is tickling you, but it doesn't tickle, it just doesn't feel right so you yell at them to stop and they never do, so then you fake them into thinking it hurts.

-Shania Twain

Yah, nothing really to explain here, she just has one of the most annoying voices!

-Cutting freezer paper on those metal jaws of the edge of the box.

I blame this one on my mother! When we were younger and had everyone living at home, my mom had to feed supper for 6 people, so she usually bought meats in bulk, especially hamburger. Normally she would make 12 individual pound and a half sized pieces then freeze them using the paper. So she had to rip 12 pieces. But being that she is used to the motions everything is quick, but it's also freaking loud! Now when I come home and if I was in the same room, I usually have to stop what I'm doing and cover my ears till she is done.

That's all that I can think of, but I'm sure there will be more, some I haven't thought of, all it takes is for me to hear it and I'll be back on here as fast as speed racer

Silly Police, tickets are for, well, not me!

Ahh yes, yet another driving post. Driving is a way of life so why not blog it that way? All I have to say is that I get damn lucky at times! Especially when the word "Police" shows up.

Anyone living in any sort of small town knows a lot of secrets, especially if it pertains to law enforcement. You know which roads you could easily go 15 miles over the speed limit, (like the Warner road in Staples) and roads you can’t go above 5 miles the speed limit (like going through Verndale) They also know which spot will always have a sheriff there watching for speeders. (Like the corner before the Motley bridge heading south) I have been lucky the past 9+ years I have been driving, I have never once been pulled over. Well, until Friday before Memorial Day Weekend 2006 I wasn’t so lucky. BUT don’t feel bad just yet it gets better.

My Dad and I decided to go see a friend who is painting my Dad’s ‘68 GTO, just to see how things were going. We took my car, which happens to be a ‘94 Ford Taurus and drove the 7 miles to his place. I noticed a cop car sitting up on a hill checking for speeders and didn’t think much of it until I looked in my rearview mirror and saw his lights. Damn it, the first time I get pulled over and my Dad is here to witness it. I’m asking myself what the hell did I do wrong? My Dad wonders the same. He walks up to the passenger side where my Dad is sitting and tells me this. “Here are the reasons why I pulled you over, you cut a corner, you have a crack in your windshield, you have something hanging on your rearview mirror, and you sir (he looks at my Dad) are not wearing your seat belt……. License and registration please” Are you kidding me? So the sheriff walks back to his car to do his things and my Dad is just going off at him. “Stupid pigs I don’t care, when I get back and drive my truck I’m not going to wear my seatbelt, ever” If he wasn’t there I would have been scared shitless and probably crying. He comes back and I see he is holding a ticket. OH CRAP! He peers down and says “Sir, since you are the one not wearing the seatbelt, she is getting away scott free but you sir have to pay $107.00 on such an such a day”

About now I feel terrible! Sure its nice to know that I don’t have to pay for a ticket and I still don’t have anything on my record, but being that I got pulled over for the first time in my life and my passenger was the one that got the ticket, that’s just not right! The guy is 50+ years old!! I am only 22 and I don’t get fined at all? I felt just awful, but my Dad also said that it was a Friday before a big holiday weekend so the cops were out on mad force, and since these new “Click it or Ticket” ads are a hit, I’m sure he’s pulling over everybody. And sure enough when we came back the other way, he already pulled over somebody else. Not a lot of people can say that the first time they were pulled over by the police, their passenger was the one that got a ticket. I should feel special but I also feel 100% responsible, sad!

JP vs. Dead Deer

You would think driving 9+ years you would have probably seen everything that needs to be seen that involves you and the open road. Some may be considered bragging rights when you know that you are the only person that has ran over a dead deer and more importantly got pulled over by the cops but the passenger was the one who got the ticket. LETS BACK UP!!!! Dead Deer you say??? HA!!

You would think that living in Northern Minnesota and driving on poor, isolated two lane highways that run between state forests would probably make you believe that running into deer would not be that uncommon. But truth to be told, I have not once in my 4 and a half years of living and driving up north, hit a deer, but lets not knock on wood yet. My senior year, I decided to spend some of my holiday time with my newborn nephew here in the Twin Cities, so I drove the 4-hour trip with no complaints. No doubt leaving on a Friday night going up north on the interstate was not the smartest thing to do, not with a million other cars coming up north to their cabins. The un-thinkable happened on Interstate 94, 3 lanes of traffic, all going at a steady pace of 65mph. I was on the far left lane when I saw something big and hairy lying on my side of the road. I only reacted enough to make sure I hit it straight on, and make sure that I do NOT try and swerve out of the way. That would just be plain stupid with that amount of traffic. I ran over what felt like a 10ft square speed bump and heard nothing but a loud booming noise coming from somewhere beneath my car. When I hit the sucker, I had enough brains to check my rearview mirror to see if my sudden braking would cause a huge car pile up but all I saw was a trucks headlights bob up and down figuring he must of ran over the deer too.

I quickly parked on the side of the road and got out, I also noticed the truck also stopped right behind me. The first thing he said was “Are you ok?” Sure I was fine but my shaking hands told me different. I still had my car running and the booming sound was still there so I thought something happened to the engine, and of course I was wrong. The deer took apart my muffler. I finally got settled down enough to try and get back on the road but the fun wasn’t over yet. If anyone has ever driven a car with no muffler you know you feel my pain. Talk about LOUD! All you hear when you press down the accelerator is the loud booming sound and the constant vibrations on your body. The tough part was I still had 2 and a half hours left of driving ahead of me. Forget playing music, forget trying to stay sane, all you can do is just think “how white trash can I get?” I rolled down my windows to avoid the constant humming in my ears but found out quickly that was the 5th worst mistake of the day. The air suddenly made me want to vomit. Apparently I not only ran over the dead deer, I dragged the carcass just enough so some of the hair and flesh hung up on the bottom of my overheated car. I’m not just getting a giant headache from the non-existing muffler, but I’m getting nauseas from the burnt deer meat smell.

When I came back home to tell my parents, they all laughed at me and asked me why I didn’t bring any venison home. Hardy har har! But this story doesn’t end here, the most hilarious part was giving my car to my Dad’s mechanic, of course he knows him well so it was even more funny. He put my car on the hoist, lifted it up and put it back down again. He took one look at his assistant and told him. “Hose this piece of shit down!!” There was still meat and hair underneath my car in clumps!!! All wedged in every place possible!! I swear we would have to pay extra for that, but luckily he just warned us to never bring a car in like that again.

Intro To Driving 101

Some of us have some great driving stories that we like to discuss during family gatherings, most of them consits of completely idiotic, blonde haired women driving their fathers suv or young, immature kids out on the first run of the town. Sure we all get into a little bit of road rage, sometimes were are innocent but most times we are guilty as hell. Here are some of the horrors of being a young woman exploring the open highway.

I worked in Brainerd, Minnesota. Brainerd's traffic has got to be the worst kind of traffic combination I have ever seen. You have farmer Joe who doesn't know where his gas petal is, because he lost it 5 miles back on the side of the road and you have a Twin City's person (which I am now) going a gabizllion miles an hour so they can get to their cabin before hell freezes over! They are all together in one city, on one highway, oh yes! A couple honks here, a couple of middle fingers there, not that big of a deal. Unless you are used to that, like living down here in the metro

The one thing that I love about road rage is that I think its funny as hell! It all started when I first got my license and my Dad let me drive to the Cities for the first time. I pulled out on a couple of people, and I got the middle finger. I laughed hysterically and the only thing my dad said was "Stop laughing, it's not that funny" WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?! Run them over? get angry and kill us both ?!?! I screwed up, so what, no one died, everyone was able to get in the other lane before anything could of happend. Just laugh it off, flick him back and be done with it.